Hope…

Over the years I have put my hope in a lot of things… my parents, my first love, hope for my future, hope for a child, hope in my spouse… the list goes on…

Through the loving hand of God, these “security blankets” have been stripped away… one at a time… until I finally learned to put my hope and trust ONLY in the Lord.

The last year has been one of the most difficult I have ever experienced… coming to the end of years of unsuccessful fertility treatments, learning to submit to my husband when he told me he was not interested in adoption because he wasn’t going to raise someone else’s child, illness resulting in surgery, and finally the end of my marriage… but the Lord has used these hard days to teach me to rely solely on my El Shaddai, My All Sufficient One… and as this year comes to an end I can honestly say that I consider it all joy as I look back on this last year and see how the trials have tested my faith and produced endurance (James 1:2-4).

This past Sunday the message was on Hope. It is a message that I have tried to share, but (of course) Chip does it so much better than I ever could! He so perfectly explains why (at least most days) I am able to still find joy DESPITE my circumstances!! I wanted to share this message with you in hope that it will encourage you also….

Click here for sermon…

Egg Bowl

Awesome game!! Go Dawgs!!

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Missing Daddy

I am missing Daddy… Hard to believe we lost him 19 years ago today… The older I get, the more I realize how young he was!! He was only 10 years older than I am now when he passed away… But I know that I am one of the lucky ones!! I had an amazing daddy!! I wouldn’t trade one second of the 13 years I had with him for anything in the world!!

Moving Day Approaches…

Well, Saturday is the big day… I’m moving into an apartment with two other girls! If you have followed my blog long, you know that I am still praying for the Lord to change V’s heart and save my marriage, so please keep that in mind as you read my excitement about moving forward…

Last Saturday morning I had a little pity party… I allowed myself to feel sad about leaving my beautiful home with the amazing view of the lake. I cried, I wrote, I got it out… and then I moved on. I only allowed myself about 30 minutes to feel the sadness of the situation before CHOOSING to look at the positives of moving forward. This is a HUGE step for me… especially considering my struggles with depression over the last year. I owe it all to the Grace of God with some help from Welbutrin!! By the time my friends showed up to help me pack I was back to my normal bubbly self ready to get the job done!!

Three of the greatest friends a girl could have showed up and between the four of us we had everything boxed up in less than 3 hours!! Finished in time to order pizza and watch my Bulldawgs give LSU a run for their money!! (Yes, we lost, but it was SUCH a good game!!) All that’s left to pack is my clothes and bathroom.

Tonight I’m doing laundry (don’t want to move dirty clothes & towels!!) and packing my bed linens and the clothes that I’m not going to need before Sunday… then Saturday morning I’ll get up and pack the bathroom essentials (after I shower and get ready, of course). My friends are scheduled to be at my house at 9 am to start loading! I’m only taking my bedroom furniture, clothes & toiletries… so I feel sure we can get it all in 1 load (1 truck and 3 cars). Should have everything moved my lunch so I can spend the afternoon unpacking. I hope to be all settled in on Saturday so I can go shopping for more work clothes on Sunday (I have coupons for DSW & Lane Bryant that I NEED to use)!!

Other than moving, there’s really not much going on. I LOVE my job more and more each day! I’ll have to write more about that in a later post (when I know more about what I’m doing… lol).

Things are the same with V. We pretty much don’t even acknowledge one another’s presence. All communication is done through text and email and is very business-like. I don’t understand it, but it is what it is… and only the Lord can change his heart.

Packing

Wow… So much has changed in the 3 years since I moved into this house. We had been married less than 2 years and were just starting fertility testing. I felt sure that it would only be a few months before our first baby would be on the way and we would fill this house with all things family.

Now, 3 years later, I am only packing 1/2 our things to move. Not only did we lose our dreams of growing our family, but somewhere along the path of grief I also lost my husband.

So it is with a heavy heart that I’m packing. I can’t help be reflect back on what this house meant just 3 short years ago… But I am reminded that God works ALL THINGS to the good of those who believe… And I KNOW that He has a plan for my life, that He can and will bring good out of this situation. Lord, I believe… Give me the strength and peace I need to hold tightly to You as I praise You in this storm of my life.

Moving…

Just wanted to give you all an update…

Yesterday afternoon I went and met with a couple of single girls from Pinelake (Tasha  & Leigh Ann) that are looking for a 3rd roommate (their 3rd roommate is moving out and getting married). They are super sweet and the apt is great… and the best part… rent & utilities run about $300/month!! Can’t beat that!!

I’m looking at moving just my bedroom, clothes & toiletries next weekend. Everything else I’m going to pack up this weekend and just use my bedroom at the house to store everything until V buys me out of the house… then I’ll probably just get a POD to store it all in.

My plan is to live with Tasha & Leigh Ann for 3-6 months… enough time to get through the divorce and save some money… I hope that after the first of the year I will be in a position to start looking for a place to buy. I’m so thankful that I can take my time looking for a place and not feel rushed.

Please continue to pray for discernemnt as I move forward… but also, please pray for salvation for V and for the Lord to work a miricle in this situation. I believe that the Lord is sovereign… if it is His will, He CAN change V’s heart, but I am trusting that no matter what the outcome, He works EVERYTHING for the good of those who believe!!!

Job Update…. :)

I am SO EXCITED to report that the insurance job that I REALLY wanted made a counter offer first thing Monday morning!! Not only did I accept the offer, but Monday was my official start date!!

Ok, here are some more details about my job…. My official title is eCommerce Customer Service.  The Company has a new product they are launching this week where independant insurance agents can set up their own web site using our system and templates and have the ability for customers to quote & sell our products all online. It’s a GREAT product and I’m really excited about the growth potential!!

So far I REALLY like my boss… he’s about my age and seems pretty laid back. Everyone I have met has been SO NICE!! I hear there are some Pinelake (my church) people here, but I haven’t figured out who just yet… but most of the people I’ve talked to seem very open about their faith, which is awesome!!

The office closes on Friday at 2:30 (YAY!!) so I’m excited about that… and on Friday mornings they have a Bible study on company time for any employees who would like to participate!! Oh, and Friday’s are casual, so jeans & tennis shoes it is!! (the rest of the week is business casual… so glad I don’t have to wear heels every day!!)

I’m just so excited and feel like THIS is the job that the Lord has had waiting for me. I’m so thankful for the last 2 1/2 months of waiting… it has been such a sweet and special time of learning to rely on Him completely and of finding PEACE in His presence.

On another note…. During my lunch break today I dropped off my paperwork and paid the retainer for my attorney… so the divorce process will be officially starting soon. Now that I have a job I’m pretty much ready to get it over with…. but of course I’m still praying for the Lord to change V’s heart, to bring him into relationship with Christ first and foremost, but also to save our marriage…. but I’m also still looking forward and plan to start researching and making decisions about where to live as soon as we get back from Orlando. Thank you for all your continued prayers and support!! I am so thankful that the Lord has put each of you in my life!!

2 Interviews = 2 Job Offers!!

I don’t know what to do!!! Here’s the deal…

Offer #1: an insurance/employee benefits management firm. Job is customer service with a couple of new products. Benefits & pay are good and I got a good gut feeling there. People are really nice and the dress is business casual. Parking is free and right beside the building.

Offer #2: local university hospital. Job is Admin Assistant in the administration. Good growth potential, state benefits, and pay is $5,000/year more than offer #1. Dress is business. Parking is across the street at the stadium (LOOONG WALK).

Both offers are EXCELLENT! I would jump on either if they were my only offer! But with BOTH offers, I don’t know what to do!!

Please pray for peace and clarity to know what the Lord’s will is for me in this juncture!!

Labor Day Pics

My buddy Michael invited me to go to the shooting range with him on Labor Day Monday!! Let me tell you, this is quickly becoming more than an addiction!!

We started on the short range with the .22’s. Let me just say that I STINK with open sights!! My groupings were high and left and spread all over… I was NOT happy with myself!! Frustration was mounting, that’s for sure!!

Not only did I get to shoot Michael’s guns, but everyone there was willing to give me a shot with their fun toys!! The guys next to us on the short range were shooting a Dan Weston revolver shooting .38 cal and let me have a turn… that was fun, but again, I stink with open sights, so I only hit 2 of the 6 targets… gotta work on that!!

But the MOST fun was this BIG BOY toy just calling my name on the rifle range!! I was instantly facinated from the moment I laid eyes on it. I shot Michael’s 30-06 twice and said a few un-Christ-like words because the kick hurt my shoulder so bad (yes, I’m a bit of a wimp… but my shots were pretty good… a bit high on my first shot, but 2nd was a head shot @ 100 yards).

This first picture shows the sniper rifle with Michael getting ready to take a shot…

Here is a closer pic of the gun itself….

So after my 2nd shot with Michael’s 30-06 (which I thought would be my last shot of the day it hurt so bad) William, the owner of this sniper rifle, started trying to talk me into giving his a try. I really thought they were just messing with me… trying to set me up… but even if I was about to make a fool out of myself, I was NOT going to miss out on the opportunity to fire a .338 Lapua!!

300 yards down field was a 16 inch steel plate that I could BARELY make out with my naked eye. With the high-powered scope I found my target and centered the cross hairs. I braced myself expecting the worst. I barely THOOUGHT about touching the trigger and the shot fired… and after hearing my shot hit the steel plate the guys went NUTS!! I think they were as (if not more) suprised as I was that I actually hit the target!! IT WAS AWESOME!!! (oh, and BTW – it hardley kicked at all!! Something about the weight of the gun itself and thingie on the end of the barrel dispursing the gasses… I understood parts of what they were talking about, but was so pumped about hitting my target at 300 yards that I didn’t pay too much attention… I was just glad I didn’t make a fool of myself!!)

Below are the pics of my shots on the target. My first 3 shots are the outer left ones. After that William started adjusting the scope and my grouping got tighter and closer to center. (the orange circle in the center is 1 1/2 inches – the diameter of a ping-pong ball). Not sure how many rounds I ended up shooting (10-15 I *think*)… but every shot hit the target!! Not too bad, especially considering that I only had MAYBE 8 shots with a rifle prior to this day (never more than 3 shots in a day because my brother’s .270 hurts me so bad)!!

The pic are a little fuzzy because they were taken with my iPhone and I was shaking a little… LOL… I was PUMPED FULL OF ADRENALINE!!

In all I think I fired about 10-15 rounds… maybe a few more… but I was too pumped to really keep count!! It was SUCH a fun day, so fun that I really don’t mind my sore shoulder or the bumps and bruises that I’m dealing with today!! I’m just ready to go back!! The sooner the better!!